


Slice, Parry, Stab, Block...

by ScribeOnTheSide



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Cutting, F/F, Heavy Angst, No Resolution, No actual cutting but references to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 15:58:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribeOnTheSide/pseuds/ScribeOnTheSide
Summary: Effie receives some upsetting news unexpectedly and has trouble dealing with it.  A walk-thru her mind as she tries.





	Slice, Parry, Stab, Block...

**Author's Note:**

> I'm super sorry. It was a rough week. It doesn't really have a resolution because life is not that neat and tidy. I just couldn't slap on a happy ending. But it's hopeful, at least?

Slice, parry, stab, block...slice, parry, stab, block…

Effie recited the mantra in her head, repeating the sequence of events as she moved through her weapon’s ritual kata. She was stripped down to her undershirt, sweat pouring from her face as she slung the heavy lance back and forth in front of her. The knight had been at it for over an hour now. Her arms shook with the exertion but still Effie continued. As long as she had an ounce of energy, she pushed on. 

Finally, the knight dropped her weapon to the ground, unable to hold it anymore. Her limbs ached. Every muscle in her shoulders and back screamed for relief. Effie collapsed, unable to even stand. 

Earlier that afternoon, Prince Xander had called her into the throne room. He told her that the army had a new place for her, outside of the royal household. Princess Elise was getting married in a few months, bringing a new kingdom peacefully into the Nohrian empire. The new couple were setting up a new castle with new staff. At least for the first year, they wanted to settle in and adapt to each other, building up the new staff to be loyal to them both before introducing elements loyal only to one side or the other. Merging kingdoms could be a tricky business.

Xander told her about their new posting, leading the infantry in the Northern Army, and how inspiring she’d be to the regular fighters. Effie listened, agreeing that it sounded like an interesting opportunity. She nodded when he brought up that all things have to end and that she would absolutely still see Elise when she was on her grand tour of the kingdom. After what seemed to be an eternity, he shook her hand, patted her on the back, and thanked her for being so reasonable about it. Effie bowed as he left the chamber. When he was out of sight, the placid mask she'd worn for the meeting fell as she felt the panic rise in a tidal wave.

Protecting the princess was her whole life, since the first day she'd met her. Effie had pushed herself to become strong enough to join the army, moving up to the princess’ personal guard, just to be near the young girl. Every move, every decision she’d made from her youth on was to get to this position. She owed Elise for giving her the drive to pull herself away from her low beginnings. She belonged right here, doing this job. It fit her like a glove. Now, Effie felt it being ripped away. 

As Effie left, the thoughts attacked. 

Back in the courtyard, Effie sat on her heels, trying to marshal her strength. She’d hoped driving her body to exhaustion would quiet her mind and let her think through what she was going to do. But it wasn’t enough. The pain running through her body wasn’t enough. She needed more. Using her lance, Effie pulled herself back to her feet. Sliding up towards the bladed top, she closed her hand gently across the sharp edges. She could feel the bite against her palm, not quite enough to break the skin. 

_They are throwing me away. What did I do? What could I have done? What am I going to do now? Why? Why?_

And again, the thoughts.  
_Close your hand. Push it a little harder…_

Effie took a deep breath. Forcing her hand to open, she let it drop to her side. Effie hated it when this started, this self-destructive drive. Her mind locked on the desire to hurt herself, to give herself enough physical pain to take away the mental. It caught her off guard every time, this need to punish. With a wave and all the energy she had left, she punched back. 

_No! Not today. I won’t today. Today I am stronger than this..._

Turning, the lance knight trudged over to the weapon’s rack, sliding the weapon back into its holder. With a wistful rub against the flat end of the blade, she walked away, heading back to her room. 

While she cleaned up, Effie tried to approach the problem logically. She could take command of the infantry and move away from the people she’d come to see as her family or she could leave the service of the royal family and stay in the area as a lance for hire. Neither of which appealed to her. And what about Hana? Oh, Hana...she hadn’t considered that part. Would she even be allowed to see her if she wasn’t part of the royal household? How could she survive without her if she took the army position so far away? 

Effie’s breathing sped up as she dug her fingernails into the soft skin of her palm. She grimaced at the familiar sting.

_Damn it! Almost had it under control!_

She shook out her hands and quickly dressed. After holstering a few daggers in her boots out of habit, Effie reversed course, dropping them into the chest at the end of her bed. 

_Not a good idea today._

The panic returned, clouding her thoughts. Hana... she had to find Hana. Effie hurried out of the castle, heading to the nearby manor houses that temporarily housed the visiting Hoshidan royals. Slipping into the servant’s back entrance, she took the stairs two at a time to the third floor. The dark haired samurai opened her door at the soft knock, giving Effie a bright smile.

“Well, hi! I didn’t expect you until… wait a minute…” 

Hana’s smile faltered at the look on her lover’s face. Reaching out, she took her hand and pulled her into the room, shutting the door behind the tall knight. Hana noticed the slight flinch when she squeezed Effie’s hand and flipped it over. Four perfect half-moon cuts in the palm stared back at her. 

“Oh tiger lily, what have you been doing to yourself? What’s wrong?”

Effie pulled her close, laying her head on the smaller woman’s shoulder. Hana wrapped her arms around Effie’s waist and squeezed tight. Effie sighed as she leaned into Hana. Her mind stilled. The knot in her chest began to loosen as the dam she’d constructed to hold back the pain and betrayal began to breakdown. Her body shook as the locked up tears fell silently. 

Hana held Effie until she felt the storm begin to abate. She gently smoothed the knight’s blonde hair as she stilled.  
“We’ll work through it together, alright? Whatever it is, it will be OK.”

Effie sniffed and straightened up, remnants of tears still glistening in her eyes as she gazed at Hana, who smiled as she reached up and stroked her cheek. And for that one moment, Effie believed it would.


End file.
